The Candidate for 2012
The 2012 Candidate!
Had enough? Sick and tired of the commercials? - the loaded mailbox day after day? - The dirty digs, the pot shots, the nasty revelations? - the promises, the 'take back' campaigns, the return to America in a teacup?
Well, thank the inevitable passage of time - no matter who won what. It's over now! True we may never fully recover from this headlong pitch into the world that wasn't there in the first place. Fact is - our guy won, our gal lost, our party made strides, our party lost its shirt!
And finally, at long last, I can reveal my candidacy for 2012 - a first in every way. You see, I couldn't attempt to challenge the money bags dominating the scene. And why even try when I knew I'd have the whole spectrum all to myself - the day after! So, sit back, let the printer roll and inhale some hearty, wholesome, real world peeks into the way we will live when this candidate rides into office in January 2013!
Let's begin with what has been the torment of a country for months - the campaigns. Do we really need endlessly repeated TV ads imparting nothing worth considering? No way. The future? Every candidate for any office gets one - that's ONE - chance to air a message. Choose TV or Radio. Not both! Print media will be different. Buy all the space available and affordable. Caveat! 20% of the space cost must be donated to a charity chosen by the candidate. Electronic phone messages are declared a violation of FCC rules, punishable by huge fines. Other sneaky means of marketing the candidate will be revealed on network programs a la "60 Minutes" thereby exposing the candidates' devious ways.
So much for the candidates and their unforgiving way of attempting to reach the voters of this country by any means. Let's turn to so many other devilish attempts to indoctrinate the public. JUNK MAIL! Number one, unless it is addressed to an individual it cannot be accepted under the guise of "Occupant" or "Owner" or any other sobriquet. Envelope displays such as URGENT, or UNITED STATES WARNING!, or OPEN IMMEDIATELy - not acceptable for mailing.
Another slick devise designed to confound the public recipients of Junk Mail, is the absence of a dated letter - from an individual who may not exist. Worse yet, the same undated letter may be mailed under Postal rules which permit junk mail by reducing postage fees for mass mailings. My authority will allow me to end all the devices used to capture unwary consumers and return to First Class Mail only. If you can afford 44 cents, or more, to reach a million individuals, lots 'a luck, Baby!
Hey, I'm just getting started here. Is there anything more obnoxious in the mail department than the appeal for funds for whatever, a month or so after your check arrived? Usually accompanied by heartfelt thanks for your generosity (even though you checked the lowball number of $10.) there is a sense of 'gotcha!' at work here - and it's up to you to knock 'em off right away. Let my campaign make it perfectly clear that those who make suckers out of donors are eligible for a 'cease and desist' order from the IRS. Deduct the original gift. No more!
Listen. I said I would return America to the days of yore (that's "yore" not "your"!) and that includes all of the petty larcenies that have been introduced by the back door in almost every business. every product sold, every contract signed - in fact, just devising ways and means of picking your pockets is a business in and of itself. Frequently goes under the guise of "Marketing". Have you noticed the smaller candy bars that cost a little more. Or, the incredible debasement of home ownership by banks and lenders who hire help to illegally sign documents relating to foreclosure on mortgages - a form of forgery or worse!
Note, that there 'quality of life' elements to my run for office. No verbal assaults on opposition, or blue sky promises to lower the deficit, end unemployment,
balance the budget, bring the troops home, just a shopping list of what can be done to improve life in the USA. Now, who's going to challenge this guy's ideas of what can be done vs what is simply promised. And, while we're getting rid of the inequities in our lives, the Big Boys will figure out a way to keep the country from going bankrupt, kick starting the real estate market, re-open a bunch of factories, and end outsourcing of anything that can be made in America!
Think it's too soon to begin the 2012 election campaign? Sorry. I just did!
Richard Carlton
November 1, 2010
Issue No. 22
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